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1.) History — Forget all that crap you learned at Yale about the American Revolution. In Franklin, we know the most significant war ever fought was the one we reverently call Civil. Connecticut didn’t have a single, solitary civil war battle—so as far as Historic Franklin is concerned, you probably don’t even qualify for statehood. We don’t care that Connecticut was established in 1633 and was one of the original thirteen colonies, we all know true American history didn’t begin until 1864. As far as Franklin is concerned, time should be marked not as B.C. or A.D, but rather B.C.W. or A.C.W. Why, one of our own, Lee Greenwood, is working on a new national anthem called “God Bless The Civil War.”

2.) Language — Two words. Talk S-L-O-W. Be sure to properly pronounce our hallowed, I mean, historic city’s name. “Frah-ain-klin” In fact, pretty much every word down “he-y-ah” in the south has three syllables. Take your name for instance, it would be “I-yah-an.” You also need to know that a person is not really dead until they are “graveyard dead”, that utilizing “youse guys” instead of “ya’ll” and “you’uns” will give your origin away every time. And even though you think “grit” means “sand or other fine grainy particles eaten by fowl to aid in digestion,” it’s actually a food staple eaten by southern human beings every day. Slow food and slow talk will gain you fast acceptance in the south.

3.) Taxes — I’m sure you are jumping for joy because taxes in Franklin are almost too good to be true. Well, unfortunately, they are. Even though you might think property taxes are thousands of dollars less, there is a little thing called “shopping tax.” Never heard of it, oh, you will. In Franklin, we are such good and niave citizens, we agreed (well, at least our alderman agreed and we went thoughtlessly along with them) to pool together our resources to pay for a big ‘ole historic (costs of historic porportions, that is) government building to loom “gotham-like” over our fair little city. Wasn’t that “civil” of us?  And the “shopping tax” helps make sure we all do our fair share to pay for it. Unfortunately, Tennessee history never taught us about the likes of William M. Tweed, Peter “Brains” Sweeney or Thomas Joseph “T.J.” Pendergast. What was it that Hitler once said during that little skirmish in Germany? “What luck for rulers, that men do not (take time) to think.”

4.) Driving — I know you lived just a few miles from the Big Apple. But you better forget Manhattan driving rules real quick down “he-y-ah.” If you run a yellow light, if you don’t stop at a stop sign until the centrifugal force leans you completely back into your seat, if you go three miles over the 30 mph speed limit, if you violate any of the thousands of ticky-tacky traffic laws—then quickly refer back to #3. We here in Franklin lovingly call it our unified “shopping tax.” Also, you need not rush to beat the car in the merge lane—they will always let you in. Wonder who arrived first at the four-way stop? It doesn’t matter, the other three drivers will smilingly nod at you and let you go first. Need to pass someone, they will graciously move over so you can get on down the road. Have a flat tire—someone will always stop to help. Welcome to Franklin. Too good to be true? It’s not.

5.) Eating & Drinking — I have already mentioned one of our time-honored staple foods. But you also need to know that your tea will be sweet and probably have fruit in it—unless you request otherwise. That biscuits without gravy is blasphemy. Chicken should never be grilled—only fried. We also fry our green tomatoes, pickles, potatoes, okra and rabbits. Oh, yeah, you’re from the northeast. Just forget that we hunt animals down here. I know PETA would be upset. PETA is from Connecticut, right? Now that you live in Franklin, seriously consider revoking your gym membership and go ahead and join weight watchers. A little preventative maintenance never hurt anybody. Fried chicken with gravy and a side of creamed corn, anyone?

Welcome to the South. On a slightly more serious note, we are the home of Eudora Welty, William Faulkner, Flannery O’Connor, Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote, Harper Lee, Cormac McCarthy,  Thomas Wolfe, and Mark Twain—just to name a few writers who seem to have done okay. We are also home to the blues, jazz, alternative rock, country music and Elvis Presley. And there are more creatives in little ‘ole Franklin, Tennessee per capita than any place on earth.

Oh yeah, and leave those fancy martini glasses at home. Down he-y-ah, you’re in Jack Daniels country. Grab a coke (you better not call it “pop”) and add a little Tennessee joy to it—and you will never give Connecticut a second thought.

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“It is very common for people to come late to the debate then blame the media. This is just a sampling of our stories:”

Thursday, September 14, 2006
Franklin looks to trim a million off police station price
McLendon: ‘Nips and tucks’ may not be worth it
By KEVIN WALTERS
Staff Writer
FRANKLIN — Shelving months of completed design work. Running up thousands of dollars in additional fees. Racking up additional construction delays.
All that to save $1 million or so on Franklin’s new police headquarters, a project that could cost as much as $40 million.
Some say it all could happen as Franklin aldermen scramble to pare the price tag on their proposed Columbia Avenue police station.

Monday, Sept. 11, 2006
Architect: $37 million for new Franklin police headquarters
Building committee must balance city’s wants with citizens’ needs
By KEVIN WALTERS
Staff Writer
FRANKLIN — It was the news architect James Kennon didn’t want to deliver and Franklin officials didn’t want to hear: Land, street improvements and construction of a proposed state-of-the-art Franklin police headquarters could cost $37 million.
The final tally balloons to $42 million when extra money is added to cover potential contingencies in construction, according to the first comprehensive tally of the project, which was recently released.
“I’ve been dreading saying that to you,” Kennon told members of the city’s Building Committee and Mayor Tom Miller during the unveiling of the figures.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Police Department budget shoots upward again Request comes loaded with ammo, overtime overages and more
By KEVIN WALTERS
Staff Writer
FRANKLIN — Call the Franklin Police Department’s budget No. 1 with a bullet.
Posting a $12.3 million proposed budget for 2007, the Police Department will likely have the highest overhead of any Franklin city department for the second consecutive year, thanks to rising costs. For example, Franklin police are planning to spend $59,200 on ammunition alone this year — a whopping increase from the $600 spent last year.
And that’s not counting any of the cost of the proposed new Franklin police headquarters, which is still in the infancy stages of creation and has not been assigned any fixed budget figure yet.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Mayor wants to scale back $36M police HQ
Redesign affects costs, politically and monetarily
By KEVIN WALTERS
Staff Writer
FRANKLIN — Franklin’s block-long, $36 million police headquarters is too big and too costly for residents’ needs and should be scaled back, Mayor Tom Miller says.
“I’m not interested in saving a few million dollars,” he said. “I’m interested in saving tens of millions of dollars. The facility is probably twice as big as we need. I think we could have a better design.”
Miller’s comments cast more criticism at one of the city’s major projects and one that in recent months has weathered its fair share of debate from architects, city officials and residents.

Sunday, May 27, 2007
Disputed police HQ gets Planning Commission OK
Aesthetics, size concerns still remain for some members
By RACHEL STULTS
Staff Writer
FRANKLIN — Plans for a new 94,000-square-foot police headquarters are moving forward, despite some planning commissioners’ concerns about the building’s size, scale and cost.
In their regular meeting Thursday, the Franklin Municipal Planning Commission voted 7-1 to approve a site plan for a new $36 million Franklin police headquarters along 5 acres on Columbia Avenue.
Franklin Alderman and Planning Commissioner Pam Lewis voted against the proposal.

Sunday, December 9, 2007
Mayor wants Franklin police HQ vote delayed
Schroer says whatever built on land should have economic impact
By KEVIN WALTERS
Staff Writer
FRANKLIN — Days before a crucial vote to decide whether Franklin’s proposed Columbia Avenue police headquarters project finally goes forward, Mayor John Schroer wants aldermen to delay making any decision for at least a month.
Schroer, a critic of the proposed $36 million project, wants time to make a case for not constructing the three-story, 90,000 building on the now-flattened site near Franklin’s Five Points area downtown.
Instead, Schroer wants to find new land for the police headquarters and use the
8 acres on Columbia Avenue for a project that might spur greater economic development.
“Fifteen years from now we’ll say, ‘Man, we really goofed up,’ ” Schroer said about the city’s plans. “It reeks to me — it screams to me — there’s great potential here. A police station stops that entirely.”

Monday, February 25, 2008
Aldermen face police HQ decision
By KEVIN WALTERS
FRANKLIN — After months of playing “Will they or won’t they?” about Franklin’s city police headquarters, Mayor John Schroer and aldermen finally have to make up their minds about the project Tuesday night.
Aldermen will either accept or reject builder R.G. Anderson Inc.’s $26 million bid to construct the Franklin police headquarters, a 93,000 square foot building that will take up a city block along Columbia Avenue. They meet for a work session at 5 p.m. and will vote on the matter at their 7 p.m. session.
If aldermen reject the bid, Alderman Dan Klatt is warning city officials face increasing the project’s costs and “most assuredly” adding two years to its schedule.
“It will never be cheaper to construct this building than it is today,” Klatt wrote aldermen in four-page memo. “Construction and material costs are escalating at rates from 10 percent to 12 percent per year.”

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