The New Evangelical Christian Manifesto

“I SWEAR to submit to the following rules drawn up and confirmed by EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS.
 
1. Rev. 22:18-19 are hereby revoked. Only scriptures we deem relevant are valid as of 6/6/15 the Holy Day of Declaration.
 
2. According to our infallible prophets Falwell, Jeffress, Robertson, and Graham—Trump is ANOINTED by God to lead America and therefore he can do no wrong.
 
3. All scriptures about LOVE apply only to white heterosexual men. All women are subject and should be subservient to male leadership and authority.
 
4. All scriptures about HATE, shame, and judgment apply to anyone who disagrees with us, who looks different than we do, and of course, to Hilary, Obama, AOC, Ilhan Omar, and all other liberal leftist heretics that call themselves Democrat.
 
5. Anti-intellectualism, populism, and nationalism are the foundations of our heritage and beliefs.
 
6. FOX News, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Breitbart, Sinclair Broadcast Channels, Drudge Report, Alex Jones, and The Glenn Beck Show are the ONLY media that are NOT the enemy of the true church. Although we recognize Laura Ingraham, Jeanine Pirro, and Anne Coulter as truth-tellers — they are women and therefore cannot speak for Evangelical Christians unless they are under male covering.
 
7. Whereas our revered leader Trump has set before us a new and exalted standard of leadership. Therefore in accordance with Rule #1, the following Scriptures shall be DELETED from the Bible from this day forward: Rev.21:8, Lev.19:33-34, Deut. 10:17-19, Jer.7:5-8, Ez.47:22-23, Matt.25:37-40, Ex. 20:7, II Tim.3:1-9, Prov. 17:5, Prov. 11:2-4, I Cor.5:9-13, Is.13:11, Ps.146:3, Prov.16:5, Prov.10:9, Luke 17:2, Rom.2:1-29, Col.3:1-4:18, I JOHN 4:7-8, Pro. 29:2, Prov. 18:12, PROV.16:18, MATTHEW 24:24, Matt.7:1-29, I Cor.13:1-13, Luke 18:8-14, Rom.12:3, I Tim.3:1-16, I John 2:15-18, Deut.10:17-19, Deut. 17:17, II Chron.7:13-14, Ps.144:8, Prov. 10:18, Prov.18:23, Prov.28:1-28, Hosea 8:1-14, II Cor.11:14, I John 4:1, Prov.26:12, Prov. 26:24, Prov.29:23, Is.10:1-2, II Pet.2:1-22, Rev.16:14, Prov.19:1, Matt.13:22, Matt.23:28, Eph.5:1-33, James 4:6, Prov.19:11, Matt.19:23-24, I JOHN 3:17, Heb.13:1-25, Prov.12:16, Prov.11:2-4. We can no longer obey both Trump and these scriptures therefore in good faith and obedience to our prophets we delete them. We also declare the Beatitudes invalid and any other scripture our revered leader has violated or will violate in the future.
 
8. #MeToo #BlackLivesMatter #Exvangelical #EqualityForAll #LGBTQ #TakeAKnee #MoscowMitch #CloseTheCamps are all symbols of the AntiChrist. #MAGA is the only option for godly people.
 
9. Control TRUMPS freedom. Cloning is more patriotic than ORIGINALITY. The meaning of WORDS is meaningless. TRUTH does not mean what you think it means.
 
10. We reluctantly but fully AGREE with the Catholics (even though we have labeled Catholicism heresy since the beginning of our movement) that the lesser of two evils is to subject children to abuse by our church fathers and in our churches AFTER they are born rather than allow a female mother to decide for herself and her own body to abort BEFORE it is born.
 
Furthermore, we require you to make this vow of loyalty:
 
I SWEAR as an Evangelical Christian to refrain from personal opinions that differ from this Manifesto.
 
I AM no longer an INDIVIDUAL but one of many loyal members of Trump’s base – the new and only true church.
 
I SWEAR to refrain from reading history, philosophy, the classics, and any printed media.
 
I SWEAR to refrain from watching ANY media other than FOX News, Breitbart, Sinclair Broadcast Channels, Alex Jones, Drudge Report, the Glenn Beck Show, the Sean Hannity Show, and Rush Limbaugh. All other media is FORBIDDEN.
 
I SWEAR that my supreme goal is to divide asunder believers and unbelievers.
 
I SWEAR to do so by all means available and at the tragic but essential cost of deleting scripture and the truth. Even if it means separating myself from family members who are not true believers.
 
I SWEAR to NEVER surrender my assault weapons, to shame and shun all those who look and believe differently than me. To protect America from rapist immigrants and Muslim descendants of Ishmael. To defend the rights of White Supremacists as good people, to SEND ALL BROWN PEOPLE back where they came from and to defend our new Messiah Donald Trump to the death, no matter what.”

*A satire of Ironic and Tragic Sadness by RE, a former Evangelical Christian.

Click HERE for a visual version.

One Response to “The New Evangelical Christian Manifesto”

  1. It is hard to respond to such a revealing heart dump of the pain that parallels my personal experience of the last few years. Thanks for your incredible honesty.

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