Many of us grew up in religious environments where sexuality was shrouded in silence, whispered warnings, and layers of shame. The message was clear: desire is dangerous, bodies are battlegrounds, and sexual thoughts require constant vigilance. If you’ve walked this path, you know how these teachings don’t simply vanish when you intellectually reject them. They live in your body, your reactions, and your most intimate moments.

But healing is possible. Here are practical steps to reclaim your sexual self after religious conditioning:

1. Identify Your Inherited Sexual Scripts

Religious conditioning doesn’t just tell us what not to do—it shapes our entire narrative around sexuality. Take time to identify these scripts: Was sex portrayed as purely procreational? Was female pleasure ignored? Was masturbation demonized? Understanding these stories is the first step to writing new ones.

Practical exercise: Write down three “sexual truths” you were taught. Beside each, write: “This was taught to me. I can choose whether to keep it.”

2. Cultivate Body Reconnection

Religious shame often creates disconnection from our physical selves. Many of us learned to ignore bodily sensations as “temptations.”

Practical exercise: Begin with non-sexual touch. Take five minutes daily to mindfully feel the texture of fabric against skin, the sensation of water during a shower, or the weight of your body on a chair. Simply notice without judgment. This builds the neural pathways of safe embodiment.

3. Create New Language

Religious sexual ethics typically employ language steeped in metaphors of contamination, warfare, and moral degradation. Think about phrases like “guard your heart,” “flee from temptation,” or “keep yourself pure.” This vocabulary creates a framework where sexuality itself becomes an enemy to be contained rather than a natural dimension of human experience to be integrated.

These metaphors extend beyond explicit teachings into subtle linguistic patterns. Terms like “fallen,” “struggled with,” “gave in to,” or “crossed the line” frame sexuality as a battlefield with clear winners (those who resist) and losers (those who experience). Even seemingly positive religious terms like “waiting” or “saving yourself” subtly reinforce that sexuality exists primarily in relation to restriction.

This language doesn’t just describe behavior—it shapes how we perceive ourselves at a neurological level. Studies in psycholinguistics show that the metaphors we use actually structure our perception of reality and our embodied responses.

Practical exercise: Create a personal glossary that transforms your sexual vocabulary. Some examples:

• Instead of “purity” → “wholeness” or “integrity”
• Instead of “giving yourself away” → “sharing connection” or “mutual exploration”
• Instead of “temptation” → “natural desire” or “bodily wisdom”
• Instead of “guarding against lust” → “honoring attraction”
• Instead of “sinful thoughts” → “sexual imagination”
• Instead of “inappropriate desires” → “authentic yearnings”
• Instead of “sexual backsliding” → “sexual learning experience”
• Instead of “boundaries got crossed” → “I’m discovering my authentic boundaries”
• Instead of “sexual weakness” → “sexual responsiveness”
• Instead of “sexual compromise” → “sexual agency”

Try using these new terms when thinking or journaling about your experiences. Notice how different language creates different feelings in your body. When you catch yourself using shame-based language, gently substitute your new terms. Over time, this practice literally rewires neural pathways and creates new emotional associations.

4. Understand Arousal Non-Concordance

Many people experience confusion when their bodies respond sexually in situations that don’t align with their conscious desires. This natural phenomenon can be especially distressing for those with religious shame.

Practical exercise: Remember that physical responses don’t always match mental intent. Your body responding doesn’t mean you’ve “sinned in your heart”—it means your body is functioning normally.

5. Practice Self-Permission

Religious conditioning often places sexual permission outside ourselves—in marriage, in a spouse’s desires, in God’s approval.

Practical exercise: Before any consensual sexual experience (alone or with others), take a moment to consciously grant yourself permission: “I give myself permission to experience pleasure. This is mine to enjoy.”

6. Build Community

Shame thrives in isolation. Finding others who understand your journey provides crucial validation.

Practical exercise: Find one safe person or online community where you can honestly discuss your unlearning process. Sometimes simply hearing “me too” dissolves years of isolation.

Remember: This process takes time. Your sexuality wasn’t conditioned overnight, and reclamation is a gradual unfolding. Be gentle with yourself during triggers and setbacks. The very fact that you’re reading this means you’ve already begun the journey home to your whole self.

What step resonates most with you today? That’s exactly where you should start.

If this post resonates with you, please consider reading my upcoming novella, The Purging Room. This content was inspired by the story of someone’s journey dealing with these issues, exploring questions that have the potential to lead to profound transformation. The book’s release is May 31. You’ll soon be able to pre-order paperback or laminate hardcover editions anywhere you find your books, and you can pre-order a Kindle edition HERE now.