I write about the meaning of our sexual fantasies in my latest book, “The Quest.” In it, I mention renowned sex therapist Robert Stoller and his insightful observation that our porn preferences reveal our personal myths—our life stories—things we have repressed, our attachment styles, our hidden longings, and more.

Psychologists describe levels of porn. For example, level one is the mildest type of porn, level five is the hardest, most explicit, and some might say deviant. My porn preference (yes, I have watched porn and you have too, so calm down) has always been level one. I am still trying to understand the reasons why. Our sexual fantasies are complex. You can read more about that in “The Quest.”

But for this post, suffice it to say my level-one porn preferences include viewing videos of topless and nude beaches. Very calm by most standards but very erotic for me.

So considering going to a nude (clothing-optional) beach in real life caused me a fair amount of trepidation. As a male, what if I got an erection? Would I be embarrassed? Ashamed? Would there be orgies everywhere? Would there be perverts stalking me? Would people be photographing or videoing without my permission? Would I be the most overweight person there? The oldest? The youngest? The biggest? The smallest? Would I ogle everyone? Would they ogle me?

Imagine my surprise when none of these fears were remotely justified. These emotions were triggered by the many lies I was fed by the institutions of life (church, culture, family, and education). Conservative politicians and religious leaders utilize shame, judgment, fear, and guilt to control us, which leads to repression and all sorts of damage to ourselves and others.

I recently read a Facebook meme that rang so true: Our children would statistically be much safer around a drag queen rather than a minister or priest.

A life filled with repression of our deepest longings, particularly sexual desires, creates deep wounds inside that are acted out in abusive ways—to self and others. One need only read the daily headlines about the Catholics and Southern Baptists (to name only a few) to know this is a tragic fact of life.

Yesterday was my seventh visit to a nude beach here in America and in Europe. And every time, it has been a freeing and joyous experience. I can literally feel the repression and shame of my first life ebbing away. As I remove my clothes, it is like I am shedding layers of damaged emotions. Freedom.

Let’s consider my fears. As a male, what if I got an erection? I did not. But nude beach veterans advise that if you do, simply lay face down on your towel until it disappears.

Would I be embarrassed? I was not.

Ashamed? I was not.

Would there be orgies everywhere? Not one. Some beaches permit that behavior, but wisely choosing a beach alleviates that fear. I have never witnessed any sexual act on a nude beach. It is like going to our own public Honeymoon Beach without clothes.

Would there be perverts stalking me? Not one.

Would people be photographing or videoing without my permission? I have never seen this happen. Everyone seems to go out of their way to exercise great care while taking personal photos and videos. Etiquette dictates no videos or pictures of anyone without their permission. Yes, there is such a thing as nude beach etiquette, and most people take it very seriously.

People do it, but an article in the NY Times tells about a young attractive Finnish lady who was hassled by a man trying to take her photo. Despite repeated attempts to get rid of him, he continued his rudeness. Her solution was priceless. She grabbed her phone and took pictures of him. He panicked and begged her not to publish them, saying he was a school teacher. After hastily deleting her photos, he fled. But to reiterate, I have never witnessed anyone being rude and thoughtless with their phones or camera.

Would I be the most overweight person there? I was not. There is every body type imaginable, from the grossly obese to the anorexic.

The oldest? I was not even close.

The youngest? Nope. There were families with children in Europe and Haulover Beach in Miami. I was a bit envious but grateful that these children would have a good chance of growing up with a healthy view of the human body.

The biggest body parts? Nope.

The smallest? Not even close.

Would I ogle everyone? Nope. There were some of the most beautiful bodies I’ve ever seen and some not-so-beautiful. However, I did not (in biblical terms) find myself lusting after them or wanting wild, abandoned sex with them. On the other hand, I did appreciate their beauty (thankfully, Gina is secure enough to let me; besides, she is doing her own appreciating). There were a few who were so physically stunning (male and female) that I would love to have the opportunity to paint with my watercolors.

Did I ogle everyone? Nope. Sure, in the beginning, you are discreetly checking out everyone nearby, but in a few minutes, it is like any other day at the beach—just no clothes.

Would they ogle me? Sadly, no.

Finally. I have a theory that is not rocket science (pardon the double entendre.) I believe if more everyday people went to nude beaches, there would be less sexual repression, shame, guilt, and abuse and more freedom and joy.

For example, soon after Gina and I were together, we discussed pornography openly. She had a former family member that has compulsive sexual behavior. (However, in this post, I am talking about people who do NOT deal with hypersexuality or severe sexual addiction; that condition is another subject altogether.) In light of this, we decided honesty is best when dealing with a sexual issue.

As we gained mutual trust in our relationship, I gradually opened up about my sexual longings, fantasies, and pornography preferences. Finally, when I realized Gina was interested in my deepest desires, I managed the courage to share movies, videos, and fantasies that were stimulating and erotic to me. Unfortunately, in my first life, all of them would have been considered taboo and “sinful,” and so, filled with shame and guilt, I had repressed them or viewed them secretly. They were never talked about.

To my utter surprise, when they were out in the open and expressed, rather than repressed, the shame and guilt disappeared, and a freedom that is difficult to describe permeated the experience. Some enhanced our sex lives, and others that I once considered extremely erotic, when we viewed them together, lost their appeal, or were comically funny. It has been eye-opening to discuss why some subject matter is so erotic to me while others are not.

This raw (and scary, at first) honesty opened yet another path to my authentic self. And it enhanced our sex life (both with ourselves and together) in unexpected ways.

Freedom is underrated and a path to power. That is why the political and religious conservatives forbid it and do everything in their ability to control it, ban it, and rewrite it. But when we finally gather the courage to bare it all (whether on a nude beach, with a qualified therapist, a trusted friend, or a loving and healthy companion), it opens the possibility for a life of freedom, expression, and joy.