It’s best to imagine this post as an episode of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight. It makes the title sing when imagined in his striking British accent, complete with hand and face gestures. He would very likely emphasize the last two words by slowing them down and adding the accented word “fucking” in the middle and slapping his palms down on the desk with each word and a naughty smile.
Ejaculations. By my conservative count, I have enjoyed over 16,000 of them in my lifetime. It is likely more than 20,000. But who’s counting?
How many things does one do over 16,000 times? I can think of very few: eating, sleeping, excreting, breathing, and speaking. Experts have written volumes about these subjects, and I’m sure there are several TED talks on each. We know much about food, rest, feces, urine, lungs, and communication. However, there are basic facts about the human body we’re still learning. Any activity done over one hundred times in a lifetime deserves closer examination.
So why is there so little written about ejaculation? And why is there NOT ONE TED TALK on the subject? Because it is socially embarrassing? American prudishness?
However, I did find a fascinating TED talk, What We Didn’t Know about Penis Anatomy. After watching it, I reluctantly admit I knew much less than I thought. I’ve included the link if you share my phallic thrall.
Since roughly half of humanity ejaculates, it seemed a worthy subject of this brief post and my art. And, curiosity is one of the four essential aspects of my being
Note: Scientists disagree on whether human female ejaculation is a real thing. Some researchers claim that the fluid secreted by Skene’s glands, located in the front of the vaginal wall, is merely diluted urine. That seems like a bummer until you learn that some women have been known to orgasm while working out. Sex researcher Alfred Kinsey once interviewed a woman “who could be brought to orgasm by having someone stroke her eyebrow.” Just when you thought you had used up all the sex positions—move over missionary, now there is eyebrow position.
What is ejaculation? Ejaculation is when a sticky liquid (semen or cum) comes out of your penis. It most often happens after an orgasm (a sexual release), but it can also occur without an orgasm. I did not know either of the facts in the previous sentence. I thought the orgasm and ejaculation were simultaneous.
What happens when you ejaculate? Your nervous system controls ejaculation. Nerves that go from your reproductive system to parts of your spinal cord force semen out of your penis when sexual excitement reaches a critically high level. My nervous system? I don’t recall hearing fiery sermons about controlling the nervous system. Somehow, it just doesn’t slip off the tongue like the words lust and pornography.
Ejaculation has two phases: emission and expulsion.
- Emission phase: In the first phase, sperm moves to your prostate from your testicles and mixes with fluid to create semen. The tubes that store and transport semen from your testes contract to squeeze the semen toward the base of your penis.
- Expulsion phase: In the second phase, muscles at the base of your penis contract every 0.8 seconds and force or shoot the semen out of your penis in several spurts.
That all sounds so scientific and cerebral. So, a few trivial thoughts:
- I suppose ejaculation is like a workout for your nervous system.
- Measurements of the average person’s ejaculation are around a teaspoon. In case you’re wondering, that means I have discharged 217 pounds of ejaculate over the years, eerily close to what I weigh now.
- Ejaculation and semen are good for you.
Semen is full of protein and naturally occurring fructose. It comprises small amounts of essential nutrients, including calcium, citrate, glucose, lactic acid, magnesium, potassium, protein, and zinc. And yes, for those who need to know, it is gluten-free.
Why does it feel so good? You might be thinking: “Um. Anyone who’s ejaculated knows what it feels like.” But that isn’t the case for everyone. What ejaculation feels like is subjective. The question of how to describe what orgasm/ejaculation feels like is something even scientists debate. Of course, they do.
We do know that no two are the same. It begins with how we respond to sexual stimuli, which brings up the fascinating question of what turns you on and why. But that is for another day. The sexual-response model was initially thought to happen in four (and later, five) phases, thanks to sex researchers Masters and Johnson: desire, excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. But not necessarily in that order.
Ejaculation consists of rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor and a sensitive penis. For those of us who were not mutilated by religion and have the foreskin we were born with—the foreskin tissue nature gave us enhances pleasure. Other bodily things that arise during ejaculation include increased breathing and heart rate, along with a rush of feel-good reward chemicals from the brain and, for some, extreme vocalizations. Unless that is, we were brought up in a conservative religion. Then, the resolution or afterglow phase can immediately turn to shame and guilt.
During the research for my book The Quest, I was shocked to read a book by a nationally known sex therapist who added shame as the culmination of the Masters and Johnson sexual response model. This “sex therapist” infuriated me. First, shame was the tragic resolution phase most of my life. And second, because that statement is categorically false.
We CAN program the shame about sex and ejaculation out of that cycle. My tantric therapist has been life-giving, instilling beauty, excitement, and joy in the ejaculation and orgasm process. This single yet profound truth has enhanced my sex overall, particularly with my companion and wife. The resolution or afterglow phase should contain some of the most beautiful moments of our lives. I have long called it the “all is right in the world” phase.
Dr. Sarah Melancon, a clinical sexologist, tells us that the intensity of an orgasm has a lot to do with how we want to experience it. Orgasms vary depending on the physical areas stimulated, the emotions involved, the quality of the relationship (for partnered sex), whether we engage in our preferred sexual activities, hormones, and our physical and mental health. Whether you have orgasms that could melt your face off or micro orgasms, you’re completely normal. Orgasms should always be fun, and they’re a pleasurable manifestation of sexual stimulation. No one way is better than the other. And they are far more enjoyable without the unhealthy emotions of shame and guilt.
Finally, ejaculations and orgasms are not everything. It’s possible to have incredible sex without orgasms. I’ve learned from my tantric therapist that ejaculation is beautiful, yet another invaluable truth Tantra teaches is that it’s about the journey as much as the destination.
Finally, my art first focused on the nude female body, then the nude male body, and has become increasingly centered on the erotic and the beautiful in any form. So, of course, as my therapist emphasizes how beautiful ejaculation and orgasm are, my art will reflect the truth and beauty in that teaching. So, I have created a few new works that are more sexually explicit, portraying the beauty of ejaculation. If this gives you pause, I encourage you to stop here and refrain from clicking this link and viewing my latest erotic art gallery.
In the meantime, please ejaculate responsibly.
