The idea for this post with its double-entendre title came from a recent review of my erotic gothic novel, The Mysteries of Barcelona (TMB). Jing now lives in Barcelona and is originally from Sichuan province of China. She is in her mid-twenties and one of the smartest and wittiest people I have ever known. We met in Spanish language school when we were paired up in teams. She and her husband, Sven, have become friends with my wife Gina and me.

She is an avid reader, and her husband (an AI whiz) translated TMB into her first language, Mandarin. During their lengthy commute home this summer, she read the book and then left a review on Amazon.es. Here is a quote from the review: “I saw shades of Randy in many of the characters in the book.”

Ever the curious and introspective one, Jing’s words delved into my psyche and prompted me to explore her words.

Chloé (The Seductive Avenger) – My anti-hero. Age 24, physically, imagine 2001 Playboy Playmate Miriam Gonzalez and actress Monica Bellucci. She is the main character who refutes the hero archetype with morally questionable or “gray” behavior, even while doing acts that seem justified. This vengeance is driven by personal history, and it can be seen as heroic (or villainous) depending on one’s point of view.

She symbolizes my hatred for institutional authority, patriarchal control, and abuse of the weak. If I acquiesced somewhat to my shadow, I might look like Chloé. And most certainly, she portrays my anima, my feminine side.

Baltasar (The Misunderstood Creator) – An immortal deep thinker who is too gentle to live among the wolves, he retreats to the solitude of his innermost cave and inadvertently becomes a creator of sentient automatons. When the wounded Chloé disrupts his ordered world, he finds a worthy protégé to rekindle his utopian vision for the world.

He symbolizes my gentleness that has been misunderstood as weakness, my sensuality which has been misunderstood as licentiousness, and my idealism which has been misunderstood as unrealistic.

Madeleine Deveraux (The Erotic Mentor) – An eccentric and erotic anatomist in the 1780s, a woman before her time. She created wax models so lifelike that they seemed to breathe, and believed that understanding the human body was essential to understanding humanity. She unlocked the creative genius and sensual capacity of a young Baltasar.

She symbolizes the courage to be different, unapologetically sexual, and comfortable in one’s skin. She also symbolizes the incredible legacy of a great mentor.

Dr. Ferrer (The Patriarchal Adversary) – A protagonist who chose not to escape the dark institutional influences upon his life. His repressed sexuality and insecurity fester into a monstrous evil. His intelligence makes him a worthy adversary.

He symbolizes the deepest and darkest parts of my shadow. I recognize him in the abusive priests, pastors, and politicians who have pervaded history and my life. In the old days, I would have said, “there but for the grace of God, go I.” But it was not grace that caused this privileged white American male to escape the institutional cages of hatred and domination of anyone different than me.

Cassandra (The Wise Prophet) – A sentient automaton portrayed as a fortune teller who carries and proclaims important news. She is a messenger who tells of events to come; a harbinger.

She symbolizes the heraldic aspects of my being, which my psychiatrist and respected elder identified and explained during therapy. My ability to leave the Appalachians to form a multi-layered perceptual view, create and sell a search engine before Google, leave evangelicalism before it sold its soul to politics, and leave America before Trump came back into power.

Montse (The Sensual Companion) – A sentient automaton portrayed as a flamenco dancer who longed for the complexities of companionship long before she was integrated into a hybrid being of flesh and consciousness.

She symbolizes my lifelong hunger for companions who really see me and love me for who I truly am, not for what I did

Arlequí (The Repressed Comic) – A sentient automaton portrayed as a Harlequin clown who longs to be a comedian, but struggles to master the art of wit and humor. Once he gains a personality, he is characterized by his light-heartedness, agility, and resourcefulness, and is often involved in romantic pursuits and comedic situations.

He symbolizes the lack of laughter in my life and my recognition that I need to integrate more lightheartedness and humor in my life.

Philomela (The Musical Therapist) – A sentient automaton portrayed as a nightingale with music as her native tongue. Her interjection of musical intervals and melodies into the story provides healing and meaning.

She symbolizes a major part of my career as a musician that, over the past twenty years, has atrophied as I entered the second half of life. It has not been until the last few years that music has reentered my life and provided healing and redemption from the religious trauma associated with it.

Marcellus (The Unashamed Warrior) – A sentient automaton portrayed as a magnificent and complete Adam. He is gloriously nude and comfortable with his body and its parts; a Dionysian warrior who wields a flowering wand rather than a Christian dividing sword.

He symbolizes a celebration of the physical parts of me that were censored and shamed and almost castrated by religion and culture.

So, nine shades of Randy. Only forty-one more. That will have to wait for another time and future novels. In fact, I am working on Book Two of The Mysteries of Barcelona series now. I am certain it will reveal more layers of wholeness and the complexity of the human being.

If this article piqued your curiosity, please get your copy of The Mysteries of Barcelona today. It is available HERE at Amazon, or HERE at Bookshop.org, or anywhere new books are sold. Please let me know what layers of yours it reveals.