Why is it that some people seem to exude charisma or presence which captivates and influences those around them, while others have the opposite effect?

Can Charisma be learned and developed? The answer is a most definite yes. However, it cannot be faked.

Charisma is simply the ability to help people feel intimate in a non-intimate space.

First, we need to understand Presence. Presence is defined as the ability to project a sense of ease, confidence, and self-assurance. It accompanies all those who are charismatic. They are “comfortable in their own skin.”

Researchers have observed that those with an infectious personality unintentionally cause others to copy their body language and facial expressions.

Police Officers and our military are taught “command presence.” Command presence is essentially presenting YOURSELF as someone in authority, trusted and respected.

This is partially done through the message conveyed by how you LOOK, how you CARRY YOURSELF, how you ACT, and how you SPEAK.

But true Charisma does away with having to BE authoritative. You simply have to offer people the gift of your presence.

Second, we need to understand the difference between large-group and small-group Charisma.

Many people who have large group charisma have no small group charisma whatsoever.

They are not comfortable with small groups, so they gravitate to one person or one corner of the room.

However, when you are in the presence of a small-group charismatic person, you always feel as if you were better having been in their presence than before the encounter. You almost always leave with something of value.

It may be simply the gift of their presence, their attention, their listening, or their concern—but you always feel richer.

Here are three ways to practice Charisma.

A.) Pay attention to your Emotional State: Charisma is, in part, the result of controlling which emotional state you go into. Practice being genuinely optimistic and genuinely curious.

B.) Focus: The only way you can be charismatic is by paying attention to other people. When you are with other people, what are you focusing on? Are you thinking of what you will say to them? If so, you’re blocking your charisma. Don’t focus inward, rather pay attention to the person in front of you.

C.) Listen: Just because we have ears and can hear doesn’t mean we know how to listen. How do you listen? Do you listen to be able to one up the story? Do you listen to learn about that person’s connections? Do you listen to learn how you can impress that person with your knowledge? When you listen like that, you damage your chance to be charismatic because you look selfish.

Instead, listen with affection and empathy. Assume you truly like that person. Listen as though you sincerely care what happens in that person’s life. Listen to listen, not to fix or solve.

So, the key thought is being present to others.

Question: Who comes to mind when you think of a charismatic person? Why?

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