When we say “we seek the ultimate truth,” we are really saying that we seek to know the full extent of how all of our relationships fit together in the grand scheme.

Our search of the truth is the search for how we belong to the larger picture and why.

The truth of our existence is that it is inseparable from relationships.

The fulfilled life is one of companionship, affection and belonging. This is made possible by ever deeper and more meaningful personal experiences and relationships with others.

When near death, most people reminisce about the experiences of deep connections they had with others—family, friends and colleagues. It is these empathic moments in one’s life that are the most powerful memories and the experiences that comfort and give a sense of connection, participation, and meaning to one’s sojourn.

True companionship requires that one exercise vulnerability rather than invulnerability. If happiness is the ability to live out the full potential of one’s possibilites, and if the measure of one’s life is the intimacy, range, and diversity of one’s relationships, then the more vulnerable one is, the more open he or she will be to creating meaningful and intimate relationships with others.

Vulnerability in this sense does not mean being weak or a victim or prey, but, rather, being open to communication at the deepest level of human exchange.

Real courage is allowing oneself to be exposed—warts and all—to another person. It is the willingness to place the most intimate details of our lives in the hands of another.

To be vulnerable is to trust one’s fellow human beings.

Trust is the belief that others will treat you as an end, not as a means, that you will not be used or manipulated to serve the expedient motives of others but regarded as a valued human being.

When one is treated by others as an end, not as a means, one truly becomes free. Freedom is never a solitary affair. Freedom is a deeply communal experience.

Although there are ascetics and misanthropes that are able to live their life apart from others, their lives are less than complete. They have closed up the emotional channels that make human beings human.

Consider some of our culture’s popular mega-church leaders. I can discuss this, because (pardon the french,) I are one.  At least, I was one.

Invulnerability conjures up the idea of a super human being, unencumbered by the frailties and foibles that make us vulnerable, less than perfect, in need of each other and, therefore human.

Psychologists are quick to point out that a person feigning invulnerability (or for those of us who are mega-church leaders—forced to feign invulnerability by our peers and parishioners expectations) and exhibiting an extreme libertarian sense of personal entitlement, devoid of emotions, is often someone so frightened by his own sense of vulnerability that his macho personality becomes a mask for hiding his fear.

One can’t truly empathize with the vulnerability and struggle of another unless he is able to acknowledge the same vulnerabilities and struggles in himself.

As I struggle through my own personal crisis, literally surrounded by a community of christian leaders, this unexpected truth has been the most chilling. And the most lonely.

I have come to realize that the communites and individuals that ostracize their fellows who have made mistakes are just as alone as the person who has been ostracized or banished. They are just alone together.

Tomorrow I write a conclusion about being alone together and how we can eliminate loneliness—forever.

Question: Do you have someone that you can expose yourself to—warts and all?

If this article resonated with your experience, please click the buttons below and share it with your friends.

Note: This post is a close paraphrase of pages 156-161 from the powerful book I am currently reading, The Empathic Civilization by Jeremy Rifkin.