I hurt myself last year
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The sadness once again
The opiate of choice
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
And now I start again
A thousand miles away
I will keep myself
I will find a way…
Lyrics paraphrased from Trent Reznor’s powerful and introspective song “Hurt.”
As you are well aware, the chances of someone reading this rather sterile exchange between friends is almost nil. I so happened to read your response just as I was walking into an appointment with my psychologist. In his words after reading the context of the post, and then your response, “what an extremely gracious but utterly sad response.”
Randy, Praying daily for you. I know your heart belongs to God and he will protect it. Give yourself time to heal and let God do the work inside you. Healing comes from within. God bless.
Take time in finding a doctor that will LISTEN to you and that your comfortable with his diagnosis, if not don’t be afraid to get a 2nd or 3rd opinion. Good luck.
Katherine, You are so right. I am very fortunate to have a gifted and brilliant psychologist with whom I’ve met weekly since last August. He has literally been a life-saver without whom I could not have written the last two lines of this lyric. Thanks for your concern.
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